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weesaul
The Quagmire of my Discontent: The Apocalypse of WeeSaul - Abondon all hope, ye who enter here!!!
 
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Food (or maybe Coffee) for Thought...

Finally received the paperwork to officially close a thirty year chapter of my life. I found it somewhat ironic(?) that she had signed her portion exactly two months after she met her future replacement me. Now to actually sign the aforementioned paperwork that is an entirely different matter all together. I notified the soon-to-be-ex-wife that I had finally come into possession of this material, and I asked if she would want me to sign it in a timely fashion. Her reply was short and a bit snippy and basically said I could do whatever I wanted so I figured my best course of action would be to counter this with something as unpleasant, well, not unpleasant to me personally, but rather something to would put a damper on her plans for the future. My reply was, “I think I will be contesting it, maybe months of counseling will be good”. Her reply was somewhat more unpleasant though at this point I am just going to allow her to stew over my suggestion for a day or maybe two before I give her the courtesy of a reply…

 

I have ended my be nice and let her do whatever she wants for this strategy has not worked for she seems to be growing nastier and nastier as the days progress, which has me puzzled for I have done everything in my power to be accommodating to her wish to be rid of me. She wanted me out so I left though it has not been an easy or smooth transition for there are many things that I have yet to change to my new address and new items as such appear on a daily basis. If I had known in advance of my change of residence I could have compiled a list of that which need changed beforehand and I would feel much better that everything would be taken care of in its proper time…

 

The recent vehicle problems and final solution has left me short on funds for the short-term. I could technically transfer money out of saving if I really and truly needed to, but ‘tis not the reason for saving money – the day to day expenses of this existence. My savings is there for an emergency for which I absolutely have no other alternative but to use these funds. Not having spending cash is far different than needing cash for my survival. And at the moment I have no credit cards to use in such cases though I do believe that I should acquire one at some point in the future for such purposes…

 

In addition to a credit card, I do not have any sort of television – cable, antenna, satellite dish – none. And will, more likely than not, never have such again. I have watched some programs that are freely streamed upon the Interwebs, but I have no desire to pay for a service that I may use two hours per day for background noise. I do have in the new abode a television that currently reside on the top of the refrigerator and I may one day use it as an addition monitor for my computational device whence I have the additional cash to purchase another HDMI cable, but again, ‘tis not a necessity so this may never happen and ye olde television may spend its remaining years perched high above the scenic studio apartment…

 

In the last three months (wow, it has only been a bit over three months) I have a new residence, a new vehicle, and a new cell phone, which is a surprisingly stupid story in itself and maybe another time I will tell the tale and all the world will proclaim that indeed! that is an amazingly stupid story, but I did get a cool phone at the end. I suppose that there has been some good come from all the crap I have been through to this point. Well, there has been other good as well. Some friends and relatives had eliminated themselves from my life. Some people have stepped up and went above and beyond the call of duty. I can once again go full-geek and game on occasion for I could no do such for a long period of time for this sort of activity did not included her for she did not understand the concept of using one’s imagination as a central fixture of a game. I can do the bar scene again if I so desire to do so, but I have no desire to go back to that lifestyle though I did sit at a bar for the first time in 20 years on what would have been the 25th anniversary otherwise know as the first night in the new abode. For those of you who do not know me in the wilds of meatspace – most likely everyone who reads this – my parents owned a bar as I grew up so from a very young age my life revolved around gathering places for the consumption of alcoholic beverages. In many ways, these places are a second home to me, but one cannot always go home again…

 

Next purchase that I will need to make that is not for my survival is a new tablet. Ye olde tablet has served me well, but as with all things, it will one day be dead. It has been my companion in various states, on the land and in the air. It has seen much, giving the graphic representation of many of thoughts. It has sent time with me over a couple years worth of lunch breaks. It has even snuck past security at the Workplace of Despair to spend some time-wasting time with me. But now with keys refusing to stay attached, battery no longer holding a charge, screen that is no longer touchable, it will not be long before it no longer functions. Over the years I have owned many portable electronic devices that were more easily transported than my laptops. I have owned palmtops, PDAs, and tablets with or without attachable keyboards. And I am sure that I will carry on this tradition into the future even if I can create Word documents on my cellular communication device. Just as I am sure that I will continue to own desktops and laptops for as long as they continue to manufacture such. And I imagine that there will come a day whence these forms of computational devices will be replaced by something far superior and I will move onto this future…

 

And so these are my thoughts on this day placed into a graphic format so that they can be shared across this planet and possible others…

No sinners - confession
 
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Thoughts on Stuff - Cellular Communication Devices...

Who would have ever dreamed it possible that during my life time I would have the ability to create documents on my phone? Not just mere words, but proofread and corrected words…

 

Whence I was but a wee lad telephones were single purpose items whose only use was to communicate to someone who was not within shouting or visual distance. And the telephones I first encountered and was permitted to use had rotary dials that needed to be manually turned to select the numbers required to place the call. And even before getting into the physical process of making a call, one had to know what the number was. There was a time when I would estimate I had 20 seven digit numbers memorized with less frequently needed numbers written down and stored for safe keeping. Great tomes were provided to acquire more numbers – thousands upon thousands of numbers organized by location and alphabetized by last name. The days of memorization of these numbers has long since ended and in many situations the actual viewing of this number is no longer required…

 

Though I shall get back to the subject I started out speaking upon and that was creating words upon what was once a single-purpose item. The youth of today have no grasp or understanding of the changes that have occurred over the 50 years of my existence. In 1988, I purchased my first computer – no hard drive, 128k of ram, monochrome monitor in the most amazing shade of green anyone had ever seen. The cellular communication device I purchased yesterday has more computational power and storage than the sum of all the computers I have owned or built (being that I built custom systems through the 90s) during a 20 year stretch of my digital life. The display is far better than anything I owned up to maybe 5 years ago. And this is all in a phone…

 

This cellular communication device is roughly equivalent to my laptop in terms of power, performance, and display quality. All this in a device that fits into my pocket and can travel with me anywhere I go. And I can document all my travels in pictures, sound, and words and share all of this to everyone on this planet. ‘Tis amazing how far we come as a species in such a short time, and I have been alive to witness it all firsthand…

 

And these are the thoughts within my head on this day…

No sinners - confession
 
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Thoughts on Stuff - Automotive Edition...

Behold! The joys of having large chunks of my flesh removed to pay for a vehicle that is not even mine. It feels a bit like 2017 is determined to destroy me even before I have grown accustomed to writing 2017 on all documentation that I am required to sign at the Workplace of Despair. The last quarter of 2016 ended with a flourish, which seems to be continuing at an ever dramatic escalating pace. I am just waiting for the boom as it all comes to a conclusion with streams of brightly colored bit of my life forming large flowers and hearts and swirly spiral thingies across the night’s sky. And so I sit and wait…

 

And the word has come down from on high and the word is the end is neigh. I s’pose that technically that is more than a word and is in fact several words. For the end is neigh for ye olde van. Multiple issues that were resolved on the previous visit did nothing more than prolong the inevitable for ye olde van that nearly reached the mythical mark of 150,000 miles was in need of a heart transplant so to speak. Ye olde engine that almost achieved this mark was in need of replacement and this would cost more than the van was actually worth. And the new abode strictly prohibits any work on vehicles in its parking lots. So there is a van that needs a new engine and a man who even if he had the time to do the work could not actually do the work where he lives…

 

So I was able to get the van to the new abode, which is conveniently located within walking distance of four automotive dealerships. And so I walked across all five lanes of US Rt. 30 (two east, two west, and a turning lane) to one of these dealerships and explained my situation and what I could pay. What could they do for me if anything? And lo and behold after approximately four hours of negotiations and calls to various places that either did not have my new address or had information that contained my soon to be ex-wife, we arrived at a mutually satisfying resolution to my problem. And so I drove off into the sunset in a 2017 Subaru Forester. This was a bit odd for me for I have never in 36 years of vehicle ownership have I ever had a vehicle that was newer than three years old. I had never experienced that new car smell until this day…

 

Upon the first day of ownership the skies opened and rained down upon this earth a wondrous blanket of marshmellowy goodness, the fluffy blanket of death, the snows of January. And surprisingly after driving vans for the last 15 or so years, I felt remarkably safer than I had in quite a long time. Most of my travels over this period of time involved US Rt. 30 and/or the scenic Laurel Highlands. Many hills, many twisty-turny bits of road, and the part I dislike – other drivers. Nearly all problems that I have experienced during all these years of wintery driving were a result of other drivers. And on this night I felt safe…

 

And now I have a new residence and a new vehicle though very little money until payday. And I will survive so I can see what new surprises this year as in store for me…

No sinners - confession
 
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Thoughts on Stuff Reprise...

Being abruptly removed from my former residence, I have come to realize just how much I never had to think about. Living in one location for 17 years all of the basic necessities were already at hand. Need some spices – already there. Need a condiment – already there. Need some toilet paper – already there. Need a bowl or plate or glasses – already there in ample supply. As I have already mentioned the move was rather abrupt and not much thought went into everything I would need on this Grand Experiment – like toilet paper. The first night in the new abode I came to the startling realisation that there is no toilet paper to be found anywhere within my spacious studio apartment. Not a single solitary sheet anywhere. Fortunately for me I did have a box of snot tissue in the van (which is still not in my name at this point in time), and this worked in a pinch. The first official roll of toilet paper that resided in my abode was ‘borrowed’ from the Workplace of Despair – a fine institutional grade of tp…

 

As for other materials that would make my life easier, I am still in the need of bowls, plates, and glasses. Most kitchen utensils are absent from the spacious kitchen… living room… dining room… bedroom… I am slowly and steadily acquiring everything I am lacking though this may take me a great deal of time. Though time is growing in shorter and shorter supply as I move closer to the inevitable…

 

In the Year of our Lord Two-thousand and sixteen ended just as screwed up as one would image with the only vehicle in my possession (though it is still not technically mine) decided to end the year with a bang and shed the troublesome exhaust system. And I shall ponder the glories of the aforementioned year whilst I sit in the waiting room of ye olde local service station awaiting news on whether it will live or be buried deep in the grassy fields here in the scenic Laurel Highlands. Over the 150,000 miles of its life, it has been for the most part a reliable vehicle with just a couple minor problems that are easily worked around – the passenger side sliding door refuses to stay open and will close as soon as it is open completely, the side vent windows will stay open until manually pushed shut, etc. It has been through multiple states of this great country though an overwhelming number of miles have been spent going to and from the Workplace of Despair and delivering kiddoes to and from school…

 

So what does the year to come have in mind for me? I suppose that I shall find out as the year progresses. Will it bring joy or heartbreak? Will it be filled with fun and excitement or will be bring loneliness and sorrow? ‘Tis much like every other year where I do not have any idea what I will be facing in the twelve months ahead. I had no idea twelve months ago that my residence would be changed and that I would find myself on the verge of being single again and that I would still be putting in far to many hours at the Workplace of Despair. I did not know, I had no clue, and yet it all happened. I had no idea that some of my musical heroes of my youth would pass on. I had no idea that the family vacation would be the worst vacation we ever experienced though most of the fault lays with the person who made the arrangements. Who in their right mind would book a four day vacation and not take into consideration travel time, which consumed half of the four days? Who would book a four day vacation at Disney World where only two days were actually spent at Disney World? For anyone who has ever been there, how much can actually be accomplished across all the various themed parks at Disney World in two days? How much can be seen whence about half of the two days were spent in a driving rain that closed most of the attractions? I understand that the rain could not have been foreseen whence the vacation was booked, but two days did not provide an enjoyable situation being the two parks that chosen had to be experienced in rapid fashion – no time to relax and enjoy a vacation that should be relaxed and enjoyed…

 

And so I sit in the local service station awaiting the final tabulation to get ye olde van legally drivable within this great state - multiple issues and multiple part replacements. ‘Tis a fine way to start the new year with absolutely no disposable income left to my name – not a penny. ‘Tis a fine time in which I find myself. And I would have never guess twelve months ago that I would be flat broke as I move into the new year. S’pose I could sell some body parts to get me through until the next paycheck. ‘Tis possible I can sell my soul to the devil, but that would not be a wise return on my investment to save a ten year old van with 150,000 miles upon its tired tires. Maybe I could whore out my body to the highest bidder though who would want this old body with 52 years of mileage upon it?

 

And I sit here in the Waiting Room of Despair watching the Price is Right and having a large Michelin Man staring at me watching my every move. But the coffee is free so all is not really and truly bad. So here I sit giving my time away so I can pay to fix a vehicle that is not even mine, but ‘tis the only means I have to get to the Workplace of Despair so that I can make money to give to others for things that are not even mine. Ain’t life grand?

 

Whilst sitting here killing time as the bill continues to get larger, I may has well throw in a brief outline of events that unfolded last year that led me to the current state I am in. On August 27 there was a reunion held for folks who attended a junior high school that is no longer there. It was not a school I attended, but rather a school that the boss attended. I was to attend so I could have something to eat after doing my time at the Workplace of Despair. Upon arrival there was some small talk then #1 daughter and I sat and watched as the boss put on a show with her new friend, which then made sense why #1 repeatedly texted me to ask if I was going to be there. We then left the reunion in different vehicles and arrived at the homestead minutes apart. The boss disappeared to the bedroom so I hopped on Facebook to play a couple of games to unwind. I noticed that there was a notice that the boss had become friends with her new friend. I was hoping that this would be something that I did not have to worry about, but I should have questioned it when it happen though I would have been accused of spying on her. Within a couple of weeks the marriage was falling apart and she suggested that maybe we need time apart…

 

By September 27 I was being thrown out of the homestead and my mother knew before I did for the boss had asked if I could move back home. This was not something that my parents and I could not agree upon for I could never move back and they would never take me back. So I made arrangements to move else. Was not a difficult search for I pass multiple apartment complexes on the journey to the Workplace of Despair. So I made arrangements to live in one of these places though I was told at the signing I needed to set up the electric, which the power company told me would not be until October 6th. On October 4th the landlord informed me this was a mistake and my electric was covered by the rent payment. I informed the boss of the news and she freaked out that she wanted me out NOW! So on October 5th I spent my first night in the new abode. Being I was not prepared for a day sooner than I had planned and it seemed a bit ironic that my first night in the new abode was on the 25th anniversary day. Being I was not exactly prepared for the change of residence, I spent the first two nights sleeping on the floor…

 

I really did not give much thought to what was to become of me for I was told that this was just a trial to see if we could live apart. Then two weeks later I received a text asking me if I was going to fight the change. Seemed sort of odd to be asked such when this was to be a temporary arrangement. The next week the boss stopped by the new abode and informed me that her and her lawyer had divided everything up and I basically was left with only my retirement fund for I did well in that regard. All the documentation was to be sent to me though it was only later that I was informed the address change for whatever reason was not recognized by the postal service so I had to do then entire process again and now I am awaiting the arrival of all the goodness contained therein…

 

So over the course of about a month and a half, twenty-five years are erased though it was thirty years in total. There is one bright spot found in all of this craptastic situation, and that is the fact that I have the three greatest kiddoes to ever walk this planet. I am proud of all they have accomplished and all they are currently working toward and all they will do in the future. They are the shiny spot in my existence, and they have made everything I have gone through worth the crap that I have gone through over the last few months. They are surprisingly more well-adjusted than I could have ever imagined, and they are in full understanding of what happened and how it affected me far beyond anything I deserved…

So there is the tale in three-part harmony as best as I can tell it without being overly bitter and minus all the R-rated words that I could have thrown in to emphasize certain portions of the tale. And now I shall sit quietly and await the fate of the vehicle that is not even mine and I shall be far poorer once the bill finally arrives. I have enough food to make it about a week though if I conserve I should be able to make it the two weeks until my next paycheck arrives. So all is good on that front. Rent has been paid until the end of the month and all bills covered for this month except for water though I can just pay a late fee and let it slide until next month if need be…

 

And so I shall just carry on for better or for worse into 2017, and I wish one and all the Best, Most Fantastic 2017 imaginable…

No sinners - confession
 
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A Christmas Tale...

‘Twas the wee hours of Christmas Day and I find myself sitting alone with my thoughts. This is the first Christmas in 30 years that I have not been in a relationship on Christmas – more than half my life, probably closer to 5/8s of my life though I am not in the mood for mental mathematics at the moment. And before that it was spent with my parents. This is the first year of my life that I am alone…

 

It is a weird feeling. Weird is a sort of I do not have a clue as to what to do sense. A vaguely lost sort of feeling that eats away at my soul. What am I to do now? What am I supposed to be doing?

 

There will not be the trips far and wide to see all those who must be seen. Only one stop this year, which will occur in about 12 hours so I have more than an adequate amount of time to plan for such. No need to be prepared in advance to ensure the tank is full in the event that I cannot find an open station on Christmas Day. No thought needs to be given to what is the most efficient route to visit all the places that need visited. No effort at all needs to be given to the day…

 

So what now? That I shall ponder whilst I sit here…

 

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night…

No sinners - confession
 
Leader Of the Blaspheming Hordes
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January 2017
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